Imaginary Friend Doesn’t Want to Disappear

Imaginary Friend Doesn’t Want to Disappear

As a reader, I have always believed that all characters can be narrowed down to a set of ideas. They all represent something and the ones that remain in your head longer than others are like ambassadors of a specific idea or two. And all the ambassadors that have ever been in my head have an obvious habit of going backstage once the idea has extinguished its relevance.

Ray refuses to leave the spotlight. It’s a weird formulation, I know, but this character tries to occupy my head despite the fact that the idea behind him is dead for me. It would probably make sense if Ray represented the desperate idea of survival, but all he represented was the pointless idea of romance. In college, I had a roommate whose face I cannot remember. He was one of those writers whose books speak of great potential, but whose personality has the implication of inevitable failure in everything. I met Ray in one of his books, and he has been the voice that directed my most ridiculous deeds ever since then.

There was always an idea of romance in my head, but it never had a good representative. Ray changed that, and I started to come up with beautiful gestures- some were funny, some were just sweet, but all of them worked romantically, yet failed to steer anything romantic in the people that I loved. I failed again and again, and soon the idea of romance died away.
I don’t know why Ray remains in my head. He doesn’t utter a word- a silent reminder of something dead. Maybe he wants me to reach some conclusion, some comprehension about my broken and utterly lonely life, but I fail to follow; I fail to see.

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